Distinguishing the definition of marriage from its social function

Instead of marriage, I think there should be a system of codes like they have in gay and kink subcultures. A green ring would say, "Approach me, I'm available." A red one would say, "I'm available, but will probably not be faithful." A yellow one would say, "I'm available but I have issues." A blue ring would say, "Please save me from loneliness and let me cry on your shoulder because I just got dumped." (There would be a lot less loneliness in our culture with a simple system like that.) A gold one would say, "I'm taken". A fake gold ring would say, "don't approach me unless you can afford an actual gold ring."

People argue about definitions of marriage but nobody seems to look at the *function* of marriage, which is basically to signal to a community that a couple has boundaries. Since we live in an open community and most people you encounter were not at the wedding, it's all about signaling with rings and words. So why not refine the signaling system? There's no ring for "Approach me, i'm shy", none for "Flirt with me but don't expect follow-through" and none for "married but still available". Seriously inefficient, if you ask me. Add emerging recognition of age-old but underground forms of relationship and the need is even more glaringly obvious... polyamorous people should be able to signal something other than "married and unnaproachable" with a ring... something more like, "I might be available, but you have to respect my primary partner/s".

I'm told in traditional Nigerian tribes, wearing a fan on a headdress would signal, "I want to flirt but nothing serious." That sounds very sensible to me... a lot of women like to flirt but don't want to lead guys on or feel obligated into anything. I'd appreciate that, because I like to flirt too, and I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get someone into bed just because I'm attracted.

Wondering what other areas of life we've messed up with standardized communication that doesn't address the actual functions of culture...